It has been a good long while since I posted, and the truth of the matter is that I just didn't have much to say. It's not that things haven't been happening, or that we don't have news to share, I've just been going through one of those times in life where I am so busy taking in everything. Learning, reading, being silent and trying to catch this crazy learning curve.
I've been doing a lot of reading lately and this quote sums up the reason why:
"To move from feelings of desperation to delight requires that the eyes of your heart and the attitude that you express be ones that exemplify God's own heart and attitudes. We must come to accept and agree with scripture that 'children are a gift from the Lord', and that 'the fruit of the womb is a reward'. (Psalm 127:3). We must fit our heart to agree with God's heart." SM Hoover
I've began realizing in stages right around the time that Gioia was 3 weeks old till recently, that my heart wasn't quite as adjusted as it should be. My head could quote it all, but my heart was tired, frustrated, angry, and alone. I have never felt so alone ever. Nate has been such an amazing source of strength, comfort and help. But truthfully, he was trying to work two jobs, finish his Ph.D, do an international job market, and find a new job for the this fall. The man can only be so many things at so many times.
Gioia is an angel baby. When we were in the US we bought The Baby Whisperer and love it or hate it, it saved our lives. ;-) She started sleeping through the night at 3 months. She sleeps wonderfully. She eats anything. She plays happily all by herself. I look at my child and I think that we just can't do any better. I wanted a child like my husband and I got exactly what I asked for. The problem isn't Gioia, the problem is my heart. This has been a huge period of adjustment for me, and I didn't take the time to really understand or appreciate just how important it all really was. It's amazing how much preparation we did for marriage and how next to nil we did for parenting.
So for the past month or so I have been absorbing myself in books on being a mom, in an attempt to find inspiration, guidance, and hope. And a change in thinking. It's amazing how quickly my mind believes lies about myself, our children, and our family. I'm barely scratching the surface. But I'm finding a nice oasis, after many months of struggling.
A few books that I have been reading are:
Sparkly Green Earrings by Melanie Shankle (for comedic relief)
Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe by Sarah Mae Hoover and Sally Clarkson
Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother by Carolyn Mahaney
Spirit-led Parenting by Megan Tietz and Laura Oyer
A Mom After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George
And so I have been absorbing like a sponge...and I would love more ideas for books if you have any suggestions. I will say one of the things I am looking forward to most about Frankfurt is the mommy and women's studies at the local church we will be attending (in English!!). Oh, my heart misses the fellowship and the input so very much.
Speaking of Frankfurt, we will be moving in mid-August. We have found a home, a church, and Nate has signed his contract (Professor Vellekoop =) I'm just a little proud.)
A picture of our home We are renting the bottom floor. We were blessed to find a home within walking distance of everything (including church) for me, and close to the train for Nate who will have a 30 min commute from door to door:
Nate's new university:
And can I just say that Frankfurt has great shopping, Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, multiple Indian restaurants and more. My little heart just can't contain the excitement.
The best news of all is baby #2, who came along just as my heart was beginning to absorb the truth of the blessings of children. And we are so very thankful. We had hoped our children would be close together and they will be, if all goes well.
And finally, Nate should be graduating in September with his Ph.D! And all people everywhere said, Amen!
We love you all. <3
